Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
