we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
