I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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