i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My dick has a subreddit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize