I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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