oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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