i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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