He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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