I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
