Too much gin, very little bucket
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We talked him into tasing himself.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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