I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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