we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
