listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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