States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
