didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
