wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
