I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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