i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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