went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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