he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
