I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
