In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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