woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
