I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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