When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My ass is underappreciated
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
