Christians are straight up FREAKS
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
