Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
