with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
