Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
