chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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