Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
