DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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