The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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