Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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