Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My cat gives me a boner
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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