My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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