she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
