i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
