In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
