peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
