I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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