Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
