They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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