Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
