I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
