I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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