Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Porn is love you can see.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
