you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
