Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just cropdusted the office
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
