Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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