fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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