Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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