Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
