stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
