if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
