Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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