The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
