Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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