I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize