I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
