She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
