I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Actions speak louder than pants.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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