Your tits are I can't wait for
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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