why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
