yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
