is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
