you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
