Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
