How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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