do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
