A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
