I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
