i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
