Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
