Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
